FkaTaylor

I don't normally make journals anymore. It isn't my go-to for when I have something to say or if I want to share my thoughts. But this would be too long for a status (and I don't want it lingering on my page like a long sad note to self). 
At 8:50 pm, SakuraRoseLily and I were talking about our DnD characters as we set up for our very first session. As always we got off-topic -as one does when talking to her, I brought up my love for Hetalia and how it was my first anime that made me fall in love with every character. It was the first time I felt extremely happy to rush home from middle school and watch eps (hell sometimes I would watch them at school). It was the first anime that allowed me to be silly and mimic accents, I used to be so good at them but over time I lost them the same with doing voices. Except I can still do Canada's voice!
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This really got me in my thoughts about the past and how much fun everything was. How much I was ready to grow up and go to cons, meet cosplayers, cosplay, and make a new family. I want to cosplay Alfred so bad, he isn't my top fav but I really wanted to be him. I wanted to find my Arthur and be silly, I wanted to do skits, CMVs, I wanted to roleplay. I wanted to call each other by our character names even when we weren't dressed up. Laugh when he realize we did that but answer each other anyway. I wanted to find other people that would be the rest of my Hetalia cosplay world. I wanted to draw a circle and it is the Earth. I told myself when I was 12/13/14 that when I became 16/17 I would run off and cosplay and meet my youtube idols and become friends. But when I became 16/17 I realized that they got older too, some grew out of their anime phase and or they moved on to something else. The people around me that liked anime thought Hetalia was boring, it was old. So I didn't have anyone obsessed like me. When Homestuck come around all of Hetalians move there and so did I, and I loved it so much, I wanted to be Tavros or Gamzee or Meenah. I was down for the clown, I was ready to spit fire, I wanted to put on my lipstick and tell my none existed girlfriend I was flush for her. I wanted to cosplay and have fun. But as the weird black girl in an all-black school, it was hard to be weird. Even the weird kids had an agenda, I was too in your face for them but I wasn't facebook/Instagram model for the other kids. I wanted to make a Homestuck family but I couldn't. Online was the only place I felt home with because I was alone on the outside. Even then I didn't know how to approach people, I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't know what or how to become involved. I was alone and watching on the sidelines again as the "cool" kids got to have fun. I was happy for them.
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I've become apart of a lot of fandoms that have died, CiTCF is one of them, if only I was old enough to be in that one in the 2000s. Inuyasha will always be the first anime I ever watched and loved. I wanted to be Kagome so baaaad. I'm 20 now and I want to still cosplay and do things. I want to show my love. But my state isn't where love for fandoms blossom, I know that there is someone in my state that feels the same way I do. They feel alone in what they want to do and if only I could reach out and hug them I would tell them we could be a family. I won't waste my twenties not doing what I should have done in my teens.
I want to explore and I want to have fun.
I want to breathe life into my love for Hetalia 
I want to paint my skin and learn makeup so I can be a troll
I want someone to take the time and walk me through how to sew 
I want to take pictures of me and my cosplay family "At Walmart in cosplay" "Went out to eat and Deku almost threw up"

Sakura couldn't hear it but I was crying on my end during call. I just wish that early 2010s would come back so I can be free to do as I please. 
I also want to experience a emo/scene/gothic "phase" because I couldn't and that's the reason I'm repressed now >:G
I'm alternative gothic at heart yo. I missed so many milestones and that's why I'm not the person I want to be. 

"The lights in the sky is a magical place. Only those that allow God into their hearts are allow there and only those that question our Father are punished." 
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The House of the Lord

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God has no set imaginary for he comes to people everyone different

He is ageless but many people who have claim to have had an interaction with him depict he is in hi s middle aged

He is a merciful god but he is also fair hence the reason for banishing his sons

When he created heaven he once thought of having those that lived there equal to him, when he tested it out that backfired causing him to kill off all creation expect for the seven off spring that were created during the chaos. They became the angels.  

The angels have never seen their father's face.
 
After raising the first seven angels and guiding them in the right way he created the next seven brothers (Seven Princes of Hell || Luca Universe Breakdown) before creating the rise of the remaining archangels we know of.

After the fall of Sathanus (the first fallen angel and Satan) fell God became fearful that his other children would turn on him so he divided the remanding 13 main angels. 

When he found out about Adam and Eve he was not surprised by who tempted them, when the other brothers of Satan  started tainting the world. The angels put Heaven under a heavy lock down for the protection of their father. God then ranked 12 of his finest angels to Archangels to be his messengers and guide his humans.

When Lucifer was the last to fall and was brought to the temple for questioning God asked him "Why did you betray me, my son?" and he responded. "You challenged what you didn't understand." God became overly heart broken and stepped from the light that blinded those that looked at him, crying. It was the first time the Angels had seen his face, Michael became so angry he attacks Lucifer but God stops him saying "Thy shall not kill, no matter the crime I forgive thee and I ask the same from you." Lucifer replied "I shall bow and forgive you when my brothers are brought home." And with that God cased Lucifer out of Heaven with sadness in his heart

God has never once wanted to punish his sons, he even thought about bringing them back home but they refused.
 
He is never felt like his family has been complete since then

He actually suffers from heavy depression and tends to mope about his children to other entities

Jesus sometimes plays care taker of his dad because he is the only one that can feel the internal pain his father feels

God only wishes for his children to come back to him but he refuses to stand down to them. No one wins in the end


   
Saint Michael the Archangel 'he who is as God'
   Human 6'3 // True 9'4
His wings are the biggest out of all the other angels, they are brown with blue specks like eagle wings with plates of gold craved swirls on the wrist of them and tips. His wings are his shields
Is the counterpart of Sathanus

He is considered a leader within the angelic realm and a patron angel of righteousness, mercy and justice. "You can say i'm mostly a big deal."

He didn't like the other seven brothers when they were created and always felt like they were going to cause trouble

Michael has always been the body guard of all his siblings and his father when he was younger, when his younger siblings came up to him because one of the others were picking on them he would pay parent role. He hated when his siblings fought with each other because he believe there should only be peace in the kingdom

Michael loves fighting the evil and darkness and trains his whole life to defeat all that is bad. He is like that one police officer that takes his job too damn seriously. "No one shall use my father's name is vain! I shall show you what would happen if you ever chose to do that again!"

When he Sathanus started to cause problems the first time it was Michael that confronted him before telling his father. God told Michael is forgive Sathanus and that he was only being playful. When it got out of hand Michael was the first to gain his actual powers by rising his hand in the air and a sword made from lighting and fire appeared 

He and Sathanus were the first to ever fight in heaven and it was Zadkiel who broke them up before God called them to the throne room. When the got to the throne room Michael was quick to explain all of what happen asking that he forgive both of them. But Sathanus didn't want forgiveness and thus the story of the first shooting star was born.

Michael is the leader of the Archangels and he tends to play the role to the extreme ever since that event, sometimes one of his brothers have to remind him that they aren't his soldiers but his family 

Michael was the only brother who has reached their full potential when the war broke out. The war was 1000 years long believe it or not. It was not short like many believe, to humans it was hours for heaven and hell it was years.

During the war Michael and Jegudiel were in charge of battle plans, Michael was sure that they would win and if they didn't he was sure that he would ruin all that was evil in his path. 

Michael is war hungry and always will be. "Father I am ready for any war that tries to take away my happiness!"

At the end of the war when Michael was about to kill Sathanus, it was Barachiel that stopped him telling him "Thou shalt not kill. Forgive him" Michael is depicted as having Sathanus under his foot with his sword ready to cut his head off.